What's the DISH on Distant TV Networks and Satellite TV?

— or — some days they can send my satellite TV DIRECTly to Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire!

In the beginning ...

God created fire and he saw that it was good.

And people sat around their portable fires in their caves or outside their dwellings and talked, telling stories and singing with their families.

Later ...

Man invented the radio. And he thought it was very good. Eventually, the electric box brought Jack Benny, Fibber McGee and Molly, The Lone Ranger and even the NBC Orchestra into his home.

Then, he invented television. And, not sure what to put on it, he filmed Jack Benny, Fibber McGee and Molly and The Lone Ranger. The classical music didn't go over too well, so he played that on Sunday afternoons. But Dick Clark found out that popular music could draw an audience when vivacious teens danced on camera. So, "American Bandstand" and a host of imitators were created.

Americans loved quantity more than quality, so man said, "If half a dozen channels on TV are good, 30 or even 130 channels would be better." (He didn't care what he put on those channels, just as long as there were more and more channels filled with the same stuff and different people.)

So, cables were strung from high towers and even the tops of lofty mountains, down into the valleys so people could receive many more channels. It was the same drivel, but static and snow on the picture were reduced.

Then man saw people would pay a monthly price for their cable-TV and man thought, "Aha! What if we could provide people far out in the country with hundreds of channels and charge them each month for their reception?"

And man invented satellite television.

But there was a problem called the FCC -- the Federal Communications Commission.

One day, in a move to protect local network TV stations and, perhaps, cable TV companies, the FCC passed a ruling (i.e. the same thing as a law for all intents and purposes). The ruling said, "Thou shalt not offer distant networks to people who receive signals from satellite TV."

And DISH satellite customers became very wroth.

People in Brazil, Ind., received conflicting information from DISH network (Direct TV did not carry local channels). Some people were told, "You won't be affected. You will still get ABC-TV from WRTV in Indianapolis." Others were told, "Yes, you will lose your ABC channel from Indianapolis."

Then Dec. 1 came and people in Brazil lost both WRTV-6 (ABC) and WTHR-13 (NBC) from Indianapolis.

And the DISH technical support people promised TV antennas would be installed on their customers' houses free of charge, so those people could receive Indianapolis TV, free of charge. But the DISH people forgot why cable-TV was invented -- that normal antennas don't pull in distant TV stations very well.

So, DISH operators called their customers in Brazil and said, "We'll have to buy better antennas for you -- make an appointment for a few months down the road."

The future hasn't' been written yet, but I would not be surprised if one day I read in The Brazil Times:

"Wife calls 911 when her husband tears out their TV equipment, starts fire in the back yard, and begins singing."

Thank goodness for books and libraries! (and newspapers!)

Frank Phillips is The Times editor. He can be e-mailed at frankphi@hotmail.com — assuming his e-mail is working.

Annual presentation spreads joy to community

By FRANK and LINDA PHILLIPS
frankphi@hotmail.com
Last Thursday through Saturday, Community Theatre of Clay County Inc. presented its annual Christmas show.
This year's offering was "Christmas at the Lark: Bell Birthdays and Heralds of Christmas" and it was really great.
Like an old-fashioned Christmas card, it opened to more than one page.
Through it all, the cast had past Christmases in mind. Christmases when two of the much loved theater cast were able to participate.
The much-loved Jean Sneddon-Martin took part in the shows. Not many years ago she tap danced on stage, her daughter-in-law, Susan Sneddon, recalled. Jean passed away unexpectedly last week. Christmases when Carl McKinney sang on stage after building the sets, some of which may have been used last week. Who can forget his enthused and energetic portrayal Nicely Nicely Johnson in "Guys and Dolls" earlier this season?
Carl suffered a broken shoulder in a car accident a week before the current Christmas show began.
Nevertheless, "the show must go on" as The Christmas Band director Col. Matt Huber has been known to say, and the show was wonderful.
Open page one of our community Christmas card and you see and immensely entertaining production called, "Heralds of Christmas" featuring the herald, Herald (David Maurey), and his brother Herald (Nick Ellis), whose job it is to get Santa Claus (Lee Reberger) to stop for the first time in their tiny village of Tater, at the end of the North Pole runway.
Herald's idea is to flash red lights at Santa during takeoff, so Rudolph gets disoriented and crashes. The townspeople do and Rudolph does. Santa's reply -- "all you had to do is write me a letter." Like the rest of the world. Duh!
Other cast members were Ashton Swearingen, Chris Swearingen, Elaine Clarke, Carol McConnell, Michelle McCrea, Amber Payne, Melody Lunsford, Nancy Kulow, Ashley Clarke, Becca Maurey, Kendra McCrea, Alyssa Clarke, Elizabeth Emmert, Katie Perkins, Misty Rissler, Kendra England, Bonnie Hutchins, Revecca Beyers, Trey Reberger, Samuel Beyers, Chandler Downing, David Swearingen, the Rev. Edward Randall, TJ Sneddon, Keri Fagg, Becky Taken Jim Garber, Julie Marey, Harold Burton and Kevin McCrea.
The Christmas Band featured Matt Huber, Allen Basore, Steven Garlits, Jeff Shively, Andy Whittington, Miranda Goodale, Darlene Shephard, Betty Niswonger, Janelle R. Huber and TJ Sneddon.
Rita Rothrock was the dinner theatre pianist and Barbara Randall the dinner theatre coordinator.
Turn the page and we find "Bells and the Birthday of Christmas" featuring a reverent look at the season in words and music.
Several of the songs were written by cast members.
"The Shepherd's Song" was written by Rev. Randall, "Jesus in the Manger" was written by Kevin McCrea and "A Mother's Prayer" was by Mitchell Lunsford, in honor of his brother, a Marine stationed in Iraq.
It was a wonderful evening of music, food and laughter, surrounded by dear friends and family members.